Friendless Phase of life!!!

i have always been someone who has believed that nothing can ever be more divine than friendship and no one ever can be more important than friends, apart from parents of course... i am always up for anything when it is about a friend... i don't mind taking a few steps behind in life, if that does any good to a dear friend... i love walking those extra miles for them... its not a burden... i love doing that coz i truly do believe that i am nothing, really, without these people called "friends"!!! they make me who i am today --- they are the people with who i am crazy all the time being myself and yet being sure i am not being judged, but instead loved, just the same or more...!!!

but may be, i think now, that i am wrong!!! while i was being crazy and i was being myself, i was closely judged! i was not being loved but was being watched and observed and analyzed! and consequently things were calculated! this world is all about Profit and Loss these days!!! only me and some rare species like me live still in a primitive era where somethings are beyond Profit and Loss / Winning and Losing / Possessing and Abandoning!

Even with a broken heart, i have given strength to a friend who felt weak!

Even with frozen tears in my eyes, i have made sure that a friend has that smile glowing!

Even with never ending miseries in my life, i have tried to share a friend's pain!

Even with shaking feet - trying to be firm on the ground, i have held a friend's hand making sure s/he doesn't face a fall!

Even with a broken back bone, i have watched a friend's back so that s/he doesn't refrain from being out there and trying!

And i was proud of myself ...for being a friend to someone in its true spirit...

But today, on a lonely evening, while tears were streaming down my face and i had no one to talk to .... no one to hold ... no one who could understand my pain... who could see how helpless i am feeling while being in immense despair.... no one who could give me a new hope -- a word of encouragement to hold on -- or may be just hold my hand and smile,

I realized i was such a fool!!!!

I realized i was living in a wrong era!!!!

i realized my fantasy world doesn't exist where friendship is above everything and friends mean more than anyone else...

This world is way too beyond my idea or idealistic friendship where being there for a friend, when they need you is the basic foundation for friendship!!!

In this age, friends are for hanging out, going shopping together, watch movies, eat out or may be exchange a few things --- its so not about sharing life, caring for the other more than oneself, loving unconditionally, giving away without wanting to take....

And the worst part is, i have been there all the while for a few friends in the worst of their times....and they disappear outta my life, as soon as the bad times end and the good ones begun...!!!!

This Valentine's Day, made me to realize a lot of things and many truths unveiled themselves....

However long my FB friend list is or my mobile contact feed is, my heart has barely any names on its list of "genuine friends"!!!!

I dont wanna boast about how good a friend i am...but i know one thing for sure, i dont deserve this loneliness --- i dont deserve this Friendless Phase of Life!!!!

I HATE IT --- & I HATE MYSELF for being such a DUMB FOOL!!!!