this NOVEL phase of life

Have you ever felt that suddenly,

everything that was scattered all around the place,

has now started making sense...?

Have you ever smiled all day long,

just thinking about some past conversation you had,

which if asked about,

you wont be able to narrate...?

Have you ever thought about someone so much,

that you start to fall in love

with the very idea of that person being in your life...?

Have you ever hummed songs and when

you find that they perfectly fit the situations,

in your life at a given moment,

and so laughed about it...?

Have you ever had a time when you cannot sleep at night,

just coz you cant stop thinking-rethinking and anticipating,

about how a certain those things will fall in place

and get upset at a moment; fearing it would all fall apart...?

Have you ever wondered,

why a certain someone would become so important to you,

that you would not see your day ending without having spent

some time with them, in some way or the other... ?

All of this a lot more is happening with me off late and i am truly enjoying this novel phase of life!!!

The MATRIMONIAL sites' Era!!!

You wouldn't know a certain things unless you face them / experience them yourself -- True that .... 

For my entire life, the one thing that i had been joking about, since two days has been playing a very tricky role in my life!!!

I was of the strong opinion during my late teens that "arrange marriages" are boring-dull-lifeless & totally out dated (i guess like most teens believe, thanks to all the mills n boons and Bollywood-Hollywood movies that soars up your idea of romance to different skies, that somehow, don't really exist). And just after i tasted reality in many ways, i came to the opinion that arrange marriages are better over love marriages, for one and more reasons and the famous taboo that most divorce cases are usually "love marriages"!!

Also, somehow i fell in love with the idea that two people, of different but same worlds, come together, decide in a very short span that THIS IS IT, get together to spend rest of their lives together and strive to know each other layer by layer and gradually fall in love (sometimes head over heels). I somehow went on to believe that such kind of love is stronger, grows deeper and keeps you on your toe all the while!!!! Already sounds exciting...doesn't it??? It does to me...

So, now that i am off age, things at my end regarding marriage and all, started steaming up... Sometimes here n there, by someone or the other, on serious notes or otherwise, started coming up in some or the other forms and ofcoz i got clear indications about my steps ahead on this unknown path of life, which would be leading me to a whole new world, that i would be having to call my own!!!

And after having a heart-to-heart discussion with my close friends and family, i came to the conclusion that, If its all about giving it a shot, why not... We experiment in many things in life...then why not this one... MARRIAGE as they say is made in heaven but is to be worked out ...here...on earth! And ofcoz its the biggest gamble you play in your life, blind or not, known or not, sure or not, it is the greatest chance that you take...and if you make it, you are the happiest person alive and if not............urrmmm lets not get there ;)

Yeah, so finally i gave up my inhibition and agreed that i am ready to "LOOK" around for a suitable match and see how things work, taking them forward, one step at a time, you know! But, has life always been so predictable and simple? Naaaaah! So here we go... i like "I" .....first shocker to my friends that "I" got myself registered on one of the most popular matrimonial sites....at first for the heck of it.....but then, after a while, i got curious so started giving a look here n there....and then after hearing a few super bad experiences from my friends, who are on the same site and getting all the more skeptical about it, i met someone on the very same site... to his request i am concealing his identity...lets but call him PT....so PT happened, after a few formalities of the site, we got on to chat...then mail a lot often and then on the phone! One night -- 10 hours -- thousands of miles apart -- i am talking to a stranger, like we have been buddies since forever who lost touch for a few years and now are catching up!

The connection was instant... !!! Not saying i am totally sure that this is it or that i m head over heels in love but then, we hit it off like house on fire!!! Otherwise, who talks for 10 hours on an international call for the very first time to someone they know nothing about!!!!!!!!!

It was....all of it...was astonishing and crazy and insane and interesting and curious and fun and good...but more than anything else, it was like an indication, that may be we can take things further, just on the reason that "We can talk"!!! For the kind of person i am, i dont usually open up to people at ease...nor would i be comfortable talking about itter-bitter things with someone i have never met and know nothing about...but i did... and so did he...

And while talking, i somehow got this thought hovering over my head that these matrimonial sites aren't really arranged marriage, they are refined version of love marriage...coz unlike in arranged marriages, where the parents first meet and then if they are okay with everything, the kids are involved, given less time and its decided...here, the individuals themselves are involved, they interact, for however long they want to and then if things work out between them, they get the family involved....

But yet again, i have second thoughts, i think these matrimonial sites are a middle point of the two extremes of Love marriage and Arranged marriage... This thought came when a friend asked .. so would you call it love marriage or arranged marriage and i was dumbstruck...bcoz it is neither but it is both of that in a way... As of now, things are dwindling in the air with me and PT... so we are taking it slow (not really :P but yea in a way) and lets see, what future holds for the two of us or for each of us...!

And the thing that i laughed and joked about a few years back, is at the moment, given me some most astonishing and interesting hours of my life ....of conversations with PT...and i have my *fingers crossed*

Life truly is very uncertain

And we have to be ready for surprises ... 

at every point of life ... 

coz you never know, 

which one of these surprises might change yo life, 

forever and for the better!!!

the "BE HAPPY" phase

For a very long time, i had been dependent on others (though all close friends and family) for my own very happiness! Even if it had to do by making them happy! I had started feeling handicapped without a few people around and i would never be happy... This feeling was okay for a while but as time passed by, it started taking a toll on me and at times took the better off me...

A very dear friend, since a few months has begun to behave very odd. Strange would be undermining the attitude being shown. And this hurt me a lot... There were days when i was upset solely coz of this reason... Sometimes even got into a shell where i was so alone that even the thought of someone else disgusted me. For the hypersensitive me (only in case of friends n family) it is tough to cope up situations when a dear friends has a cold shoulder to show!!!

But then, one day i decided to think about this whole situation, because this wasn't the first time, when something like this had a very strong impact on me. As long as the impact is there, it is okay, but the moment it starts interfering in my personal space and professional aptitude, it becomes a mess and i want to avoid it as much as i can... And so i did...!

Thinking went on for days together and all of it in vain... completely useless and disappointing...! But one day while i was riding back home from office, i suddenly get these thoughts and it changed me completely...!!!!

Writing down these thoughts here, it might help you, who go through similar situations like me...if you are sensitive or hypersensitive (like me) --

1. Happiness cannot be found outside of you, coz it is right there, inside of you!

2. Loving them (friends n family in my case) doesn't mean, my happiness would always be dependent on them!

3. If doing something for someone i love, makes me happy, that shouldn't mean, that if they aren't around, i wouldn't be happy at all! Doing something and being happy should be an add-on!

4. No one really is worth so much that you forget to smile and let them affect your relations with other people and things in your life!

5. Never give away so much to a relation, that in its absence you feel incomplete...

6. Those who take you for granted, wont wait or think again to take you on a joy ride too. Think -- articulate and behave accordingly.

7. Sometimes letting go is a sensible option only coz holding on would give nothing but hurt and ache.

8. Putting a coma in a relation is way better than putting a full stop. No bitterness lasts forever, so ever if you get a chance, you can continue where you left rather than regretting that you dint do, what you could have done.

9. Freeze a relation when you think its getting too sour and might end up being bitter. Coz if it gets bitter, eventually it shall rot and a rotten relation can never stop haunting you. If you freeze it today, there are chances of it being melted by the warmth, if ever!

AND AT LAST BUT OFCOZ NOT THE LEAST....IS THAT, UNLESS YOU ARE HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH YOUR OWN SELF, THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN MAKE PEOPLE AROUND YOU SMILE AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES...THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON OF ALL TIMES WHICH I LEARNT A VERY VERY VERY HARD WAY AND AFTER A VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME...THOSE WHO CLAIM THAT THEY ARE SAD AND LIVE ONLY FOR OTHERS AND TO MAKE THEM SMILE, ARE LIVING A LIE!

SO, BE HAPPY TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY...HAPPINESS IS THE MOST CONTAGIOUS THING EVER...IT SPREADS LIKE FIRE AND HAS A VERY STRONG AND DEEP ROOTED EFFECT ON EVER SOUL SINGLE SOUL THAT YOU ENCOUNTER IN YOUR LIFE...

I AM HAPPY NOW... ARE YOU?

I miss my Childhood -- My Paper Boats

Woh Kaagaz ki Kashti.....

Woh Baarish ka Paani......

Gone are those days...!! The amazing childhood days... The utter carefree days!!! When we had to do nothing but have fun...unlimited fun... Nothing to worry about but the homework!! No responsibilities but to make sure the tiffin lasts till the recess... Never-ending tales to tell...of school at home and of home at school...

Childhood was a riot of colours...colours so bright that its luster is still the same...all the memories are etched in our mind and heart, like it happened just yesterday!

That era was a different world!! When things were simpler, people were genuine, friendships were real, worries were meager, love was pure, conversations were not superficial, and praises were not mere words, when money was secondary, when success was one of the many aims, when children were meant to be children, when mocking others wasn’t in vogue!

Today’s world is all jumbled up! It’s as if gone upside down. Doubts reign over faith! Hatred reign over love! Finding logic to everything and then getting nowhere is the finest thing to do. Something that has no meaning is appreciated the most. Men having no values rule the rest of them.

I miss my childhood!!! I miss those carefree-fun filled days a lot... but most of all, I miss them when it rains... no matter where I go, I don’t see paper boats sailing in the roadside water streams... and my heart sinks lower!!! What has this era done to the kids? Where is that innocent childhood gone?

Building sand castles no matter if just a wave would bring it down in seconds after its made, making paper boats; so what if they are soaked in water and tear off half way... all of this has gone!!!! Kids find it “kiddish” to do all this... If only someone can go tell them, they are kids and they are suppose to be kiddish...

I miss my childhood a lot... but sadly and strangely enough I miss to see childhood around me! Even amongst kids, childhood has long faded away...

Yeh Daulat bhi le lo,
Yeh Shohrat bhi le lo,
Bhale chheen lol;
Mujhse meri jawani,
Magar mujhko lauta do;
Bachpan ka sawan,
Woh Kaagaz ki Kashti ...
Woh Baarish ka Paani.........