Saturday, January 19, 2013

Identity Crisis v/s Rebirth

It really has a very thin line, the two major terms of life:

1. Identity Crisis
2. Rebirth

And yes, this is in context of the BIGGEST event of a person's life: MARRIAGE!

I recently got engaged and again .... recently getting married. Its a very chaotic feeling inside... At times i do not know, how i am feeling and if i do know, its very difficult to describe or express or explain someone what's churning in my head and my heart. Day in and day out, all that hovers over your head is flashes of that D-Day and how things would roll. I used to think, all of this pre-wedding hypertension and anxiety is overrated. But oh boy! you only get to realize, it so isn't when you are in the same situation.

I am 26 years and 5 months old, i have lived a major chunk of my overall life with this name (assuming in the coming times, we all shall live for 50 years ;) ). And personally, i so have been obsessed with this name of mine. For various reasons, at different stages of life. My signature comprises of my title "dasani". My name has been my best flaunt all through my life. It has been my most prized possession. Being a lawyer, at the professional front, people don't know me as Krishna. People know me as Advocate Krishna Dasani. At the courts, if my name is mentioned somewhere, it is mentioned as "Learned Counsel Ms. Krishna Dasani". Lest all the ids that i have bear my name Krishna Dasani. As a poet, though popularly known as "Poetic Soul", the two books that i have authored in the past 3 years, bear: Ehsaas by Krishna Dasani and Winter of Hope by Krishna Dasani. This name as whole: KRISHNA DASANI is who i am, my identity!

But one fine morning, after my engagement, when the day of my marriage was fixed, i swallowed a lump in my throat and realized something that shook me!!!! Time to face the music sweetie, soon you have to leave behind the name you are so obsessed with. After a while, I no longer shall be Ms. Krishna Dasani, i shall be Mrs. Krishna Thakkar! SHIT !!!!!!!
I am not only leaving behind my family, my friends, my job, my career, my home, my room, my bed, my closet, my plate, so many of those things that were JUST mine, all this while, my town, my state, my COUNTRY, but also my IDENTITY! I am leaving behind my title....and my dad's name!

No doubt, the joy of bearing a new name, name of the person i love the most and from the depth of my heart cannot be measured, but the sorrow of leaving MY name behind also has no measure! So one night, while i was going through this forthcoming event of my life (name change not the wedding :D) i came to think if it is identity crisis. Coz if we look at the plainly, oh hell yea it is!!!! But when i looked at it closely, i realized, I am looking at it from a very different, a very negative angle! There ain't no doubt that my identity is gonna change....err no, go upside down! But, I certainly have better way of looking at it. This name change, is the first step towards blending into someone's world, for the rest of your life. The first step towards that new beginning cannot really start with such a negative approach.

Why call it Identity Crisis.........? Its my new life, new innings as they call it... Why not call it REBIRTH?

In my life, i have a new life awaiting...a whole new story, not just a chapter! New family to look up to and look after, new characters, new reasons, new twists, new plot, new beginnings, new endings, new dreams, new horizons... So how can it be something disturbing like Crisis.... It needs to be something more...something worthwhile, something i look forward to....

And so, i decided, it is my REBIRTH in this very birth and not IDENTITY CRISIS !!!!