TRUE LOVE

Such a fairy-tale like term...at least for us...the people of this era...

True Love!

Many of us (rather most of us actually), despite all the books and movies and the great love stories that we have grown up with, go on to believe and propagate that True Love is a MYTH! That the happily ever after doesn't really exist. That love at the end is just a compromise or an arrangement that our mind makes to have a companion and end up giving it a socio legal label called "Marriage"!

We have always been hammered with the belief that "True Love finds you"! That has made us believe in destiny more than we should and gradually made us to curse destiny for more than it actually does! In the process of having an illusion or a delusion that destiny does it all, we somehow forgot that no matter how much good or bad our destiny wants to do to us, we cannot forget that we have our part to play... Nothing can actually, really happen unless we put or abstain to put an effort in it...

Today morning, read a quote somewhere, which goes like "True Love is not FOUND...it has to be BUILT"

Get that?

I did not at the first read...but then when I thought about it, it hold the very essence why most love stories end miserably with two miserable people left mourning about how they regret falling in love and all that roll.....
Coz we have been stuffed with the idea that true love finds you or has to be found and you have no role to play coz pairs are made in heaven and only your fate ... your destiny makes it happen...!

But ever did we think that, true love is something we can create? Love doesnt stand alone...isolated...it has a lot of components holding it to stand strong and tall...be it TRUSTING, CARING, UNDERSTANDING, SHARING, SUPPORTING, EMPATHIZING, BELIEVING, and a lot more... No denying that you need to meet that "special someone" with whom you feel that connection...that chemistry that you would wanna take it further with him/her...but then, once you have found that someone, its actually in your hands to make that love --- True! Make it the kind of love that has a happy ending...the kind of love that would last forever and ever... If you put in efforts and make sure you want it to last...it will! And if it lasts, IT IS TRUE! Coz pretense has a very short life...!

So, today morning was special and inspirational...
Thought to share this with you...................

Built your True Love and make it special and strong enough to last forever...and break the illusion that True Love is a MYTH........

I am gonna try my best to make my Love ... a TRUE LOVE......

ARE YOU?

Oh Hello MARRIAGE!

And so.... finally, this is it!

Well, isn't it obvious why i am writing about this? Yea...i am married...happy to my heart's content and all that roll...! But that doesn't change one bitter truth.. Marriages are tough! and mine just got tougher coz i moved countries rather continents in less than 15 days of my marriage and here i am ... from India the land of chaos to England...the land of noiseless creepy silence!

My friend says that i am living in a "postcard" and that even if i send a picture, taken from a totally non professional cell camera, it looks so beautiful as if it were a postcard or a painting...which is well *deep breath* true!!!! 

this place is extra ordinarily pretty and i love it that way but hello...this is not my land..not my country...not my people...not my language (well in a way it is but i miss talking in Hindi / Gujarati ) and ugggrrrhhhh SO SO SO SO not my weather...!! So my marriage becomes perfectly difficult... And thanks to being in a new country, Krishna Dasani - Advocate Gujarat High Court, here is jobless!!!!! which is so tough to swallow...it cuts like a knife...really does!!!

Anyway that's the country bit...but on personal front too, there is so much...living with someone under the same roof and sharing everything you could possibly imagine is not quiet easy... even in hostels and shared apartments, there are many things that aren't to be shared...but here, in a marriage, you gotta share everything..which initially is pretty tough no matter how madly you are in love!

In my case, well, we are both goddamn headstrong and at no cost would give up forget giving in!! And of course we both have our silly mood swings that keep coming on unexpected visits. Actually, its not the big things that bother that much, its the tiny things...those tiny things that irritate you and sometimes make you feel like you wanna jump off the cliff rather than be here....with all this...!!!

But hey....its worth it...at the end of the day when you think of the pros and the cons of it, you are sure in your heart that the pros certainly weigh much much more than those tiny lil things...

When the night falls and I am in his arms...safe and warm... I know that nothing really is as important as us being together...at that moment, nothing matters...no weather, no language, no joblessness, no compromises, no adjustments...nothing...nothing at all...coz at that moment what matters is that I am not alone...

Identity Crisis v/s Rebirth

It really has a very thin line, the two major terms of life:

1. Identity Crisis
&
2. Rebirth

And yes, this is in context of the BIGGEST event of a person's life: MARRIAGE!

I recently got engaged and again .... recently getting married. Its a very chaotic feeling inside... At times i do not know, how i am feeling and if i do know, its very difficult to describe or express or explain someone what's churning in my head and my heart. Day in and day out, all that hovers over your head is flashes of that D-Day and how things would roll. I used to think, all of this pre-wedding hypertension and anxiety is overrated. But oh boy! you only get to realize, it so isn't when you are in the same situation.

I am 26 years and 5 months old, i have lived a major chunk of my overall life with this name (assuming in the coming times, we all shall live for 50 years ;) ). And personally, i so have been obsessed with this name of mine. For various reasons, at different stages of life. My signature comprises of my title "dasani". My name has been my best flaunt all through my life. It has been my most prized possession. Being a lawyer, at the professional front, people don't know me as Krishna. People know me as Advocate Krishna Dasani. At the courts, if my name is mentioned somewhere, it is mentioned as "Learned Counsel Ms. Krishna Dasani". Lest all the ids that i have bear my name Krishna Dasani. As a poet, though popularly known as "Poetic Soul", the two books that i have authored in the past 3 years, bear: Ehsaas by Krishna Dasani and Winter of Hope by Krishna Dasani. This name as whole: KRISHNA DASANI is who i am, my identity!

But one fine morning, after my engagement, when the day of my marriage was fixed, i swallowed a lump in my throat and realized something that shook me!!!! Time to face the music sweetie, soon you have to leave behind the name you are so obsessed with. After a while, I no longer shall be Ms. Krishna Dasani, i shall be Mrs. Krishna Thakkar! SHIT !!!!!!!
I am not only leaving behind my family, my friends, my job, my career, my home, my room, my bed, my closet, my plate, so many of those things that were JUST mine, all this while, my town, my state, my COUNTRY, but also my IDENTITY! I am leaving behind my title....and my dad's name!

No doubt, the joy of bearing a new name, name of the person i love the most and from the depth of my heart cannot be measured, but the sorrow of leaving MY name behind also has no measure! So one night, while i was going through this forthcoming event of my life (name change not the wedding :D) i came to think if it is identity crisis. Coz if we look at the plainly, oh hell yea it is!!!! But when i looked at it closely, i realized, I am looking at it from a very different, a very negative angle! There ain't no doubt that my identity is gonna change....err no, go upside down! But, I certainly have better way of looking at it. This name change, is the first step towards blending into someone's world, for the rest of your life. The first step towards that new beginning cannot really start with such a negative approach.

Why call it Identity Crisis.........? Its my new life, new innings as they call it... Why not call it REBIRTH?

In my life, i have a new life awaiting...a whole new story, not just a chapter! New family to look up to and look after, new characters, new reasons, new twists, new plot, new beginnings, new endings, new dreams, new horizons... So how can it be something disturbing like Crisis.... It needs to be something more...something worthwhile, something i look forward to....

And so, i decided, it is my REBIRTH in this very birth and not IDENTITY CRISIS !!!!

my DADDY strongEST

When people say: Age is just a number, its rather a lil difficult to believe it to be true. But when i see this man, aging in number but not in life, i have no choice but to know, it's true to the hilt. My Dad turned 57 today....and he works and runs around like he is 27...

His running around for things seem endless. Not only coz he wants to achieve the things he has set his eyes / mind / heart on but also coz he is a perfectionist. He takes care of minutest things and pays attention to every detail. Its irritating at times coz it delays things or even complicates them further but when the work is done, we realize, every bit of that tension he took was necessary coz otherwise, the result wouldn't be so fine. Me and mom keep worrying for his health for he is ignorant towards it (like most men of his age are i guess) but he says nothing will happen to him and that life is just once, you cannot seem to worry about what will happen tomorrow and stop doing things you love the most (like eating fried and sweet things and sleeping late at night).

But all that apart, my daddy is a sweetheart. Right from childhood i remember the finest conversations I have had with him. The best food for soul and food for thought is from him. He has in all ways been the best person of my life and he inspires me in many ways. He is an idealist, a keen perfectionist, a die hard patriot, very head strong, genuinely philanthropic, truly generous, compassionate and warm.

He is versatility personified. He was a government servant for 22 years. He has been a national level TT player. He is a politician. A successful businessman. He is a social service enthusiastic. He is a public leader. He is a visionary. He is an organizer. He is an amazing friend who gave up his best stakes just to support his friend. He is the most encouraging husband who made my mom do things she never imagined she could do. He is a very loving son who does everything humanely possible to give a life that his mother (my daadi) would never have dreamt of. He is a stupendous father who has given me all that i wished for, dreamed for, asked for and even things i never wanted just coz he knew it would help in shaping up my identity. I have seen him give up on his dreams, his wishes, his desires and sacrifice money wise, health wise, emotion wise, time wise for even my tiniest of events.....be it my stage performance or my classes or a rehearsal or just a party. But all the more, He is an outstanding human being who is full of compassion, empathy and a dire undying desire to do good to fellow human beings and is working towards good causes for a very long time and i hope and pray God bestows his choicest blessings on him to continue doing the same for the rest of his life (just that he makes sure to take a lil care of his own health in the process of doing good to others)!!!

My daddy has struggled real hard through real bad financial crisis to give me the best. Not just something i needed but even the things i SHOULD have (according to him) to help me shine and be the best. All the fame that i have got till date is coz of him. All the honesty I have in life is coz i have seen him be honest and true to his conscious all this life. All the dreams that have come true for till today is coz he was always there as the back up plan. If i have learnt to fly high is coz i know, he is watching my back and he shall not let me fall. He has always gone out of his way to give me the happiness and joy to my heart's content. I just wish i can repay him someday in someway and make him proud and happy that all of his hardwork and sacrifices were worth.

I LOVE YOU PAPA....YOU ARE THE BEST AND YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME.... <3

Hitched!!!!!

Its still only sinking in with great difficulty that i am finally there, where i never wanted to be! I look at my left hand's ring finger, see a shiny platinum love band and realize, so much in my life has changed, all but for good!!! :)

Poor thing, my Fiancé, i tell him "it feels like nothing between us has changed..."! May be that's coz i somehow feel the same way for him and for us, may be much stronger now... Coz the love was always there, the distances (physical ones) were always there and the connection we shared has always been, right there... Or may be it is because, it still has to sink in completely that i am ENGAGED !! and soon to get MARRIED !!

A place i never wanted to be...and today i am looking forward to the day when i am his and he is mine, in all ways possible! :)

It's a good feeling, good actually is an understatement, it's an amazing feeling...to be a part of someone's life, someone's world, someone's family, someone's very being and being such an important part that everything around seems to be changing in a beautiful manner...

Golden period people say is the courting period i.e. the time between the engagement and the wedding...but our golden period has only thousands of miles, whatsapp, phone calls and webcam sessions :( it's a terrible thing to be not able to see him till the time, the marriage actually happens. But all said and done, i have no regrets.. Coz i had an amazing time with him (in spirit so far and in person)... and i feel really really lucky that love came along my way in such a splendid manner...coz he has a heart of gold...and loves me jus the way i want *touchwood*

i look fwd to know him better, understand his pain and be a part of his life in a way that nothing / no one can separate us...Ironies rule life in every manner... i was headstrong against getting married and today i cannot wait to take that road with him and build a new world with him... :)

Now, i do not fear a thing and do not mind saying out loud: I LOVE YOU!!!!