Thursday, November 9, 2017


It has been a while since i made an effort to revisit the beautiful and sometimes haunting memory lane of my life that define who i am in so many ways. It has been a while since i let my past take over my present and who i have now become, that i had almost forgotten the taste of those bittersweet tears that pluck up in your eyes the moment you think of something that held so much importance for you in the past. Something that you would have thought would be impossible to live without and here you are, having moved on from all that, living a complete different life. May be not as good or as bad in some corners but completely different.

Today was one such day when i let myself get lost in the meadows of nostalgia. Breathing in the freshness of the vivid colours of the memories that flooded and exploded in my head like a rush of infinite sparks. And oh i am glad i did. I had forgotten that at times you need it. You need to remember and reminiscence the time gone by. To let the breeze of good old days touch you and make you feel more alive than you may already feel. Let the crisp memories drenched in your former self whisper to you that its okay. That change is the only constant thing and its okay. You have come far in life and you are in an almost happy place and its okay. Its okay to look back every once in a while and smile at the bygones. Its okay to feel that tinge of guilt or regret for the decisions not taken or the choices not made or those unspoken words or of those frozen tears that were never shed. I think it only makes you stronger.

Letting the tears you have tucked away; freely flow only lightens the burden in your chest and clear your vision. It only helps you feel better about today, take control of yourself and makes you more determined that what you are doing now, where you are now is how it was supposed to be and that you should be thankful. Thankful for all the emotions you got to feel. All the experiences you got to learn. All the events you got to enjoy. All the exploring you got to do while being on this journey called life.

I decided to connect to those lost friends today, the friends that once shaped my life in a way that i never imagined it could be shaped. Reached out to a few that were so close to my heart at one point that i never really imagined my life without them being in it. But things happen, priorities change and life gets in way. We all have our battles to fight, struggles to endure and not everyone can cope with it to always stay in touch with everyone that is precious. But time and again i had this stabbing pain in my heart for the souls i knew were out there, souls who once meant the world to me, souls i knew somewhere in the corner of my heart; missed me as much as i missed them.

And while doing so, i felt a certain calm seeping into me. It made me more aware of my surroundings and where i am, not physically, but emotionally. Engaged my feelings in a way that only i could understand. Something that ebbed and flowed only within me. There was still a friend out there who i spoke with after years but started off where we left it. There was still a friend out there who remembered the way i used to be and how i would have changed with the passing years. There was still a friend out there who admitted to having thought of me sometimes when some randomness triggered a deep rooted memory. There was still a friend out there who knew how to make me smile at the silliest joke made on my expense and even make me cry by saying something unnervingly heartwarming. There was still a friend out there who dint want to hold the hand when i reached out and wanted to stay in the oblivion we all seem to create for ourselves these days. 

By the end of the day, i was amazed how happy i was. I still am trying to figure out what exactly made me so happy but its a strange kind of happy. More of a content kind of happy that i haven't felt in a long time. The kind of happy your romantic relation or your family can never make you. The kind of happy that only a special friend can make you. The kind of happy that anchors you and keeps you going a long time. The kind of happy that makes you want to go that extra mile to stay in touch with those who matter. With those who truly matter - those to whom you truly matter.

And that's what i am going to do. I am going to make Nostalgia my happy place - my go to place when i need to regain myself - my sanity - fighting for something that might not last forever anyway. A place where i do not have to be in mad rat-race. A place that knows me and a place i can call Home ... Away from Home.

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